state of confusion

assalamualaikum. selawat dan salam atas baginda Rasulullah SAW. alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

honestly, i have not turned on my laptop since the last post that i made bfore apart from doing assignments and catching up some movies that i cant hold back and u can do the calculation of how long was i being so isolated from the 'great' IT world. lolol. haha. anyhow, i'm so not emotionally stable this days mainly because of the insecurities that i have rght now. things are getting wayy out of hand. janji ditabur seperti menanam tebu di tepi bibir. ehh sejak bila pulak ni pndai brmadah. haha. i'm cnsidering my future. greatly. well i'm not the kind of person who's keen of thinking about things like that but rght now, i cant really help it. its like we're so much at the edge and i must say that its quite hard. everyone's getting emotional and i could see some 'hopes' drifting away. its hard. for all of us. i guess. but buckle up! its the spice of lives or else we wont feel the real taste of what life really is about. special dedication for AP though i know they will never read this. hihi.

blessing in disguise. i encounter 1 almost every day but not that i realize of. pity huh. i know but its inevitable that i need time to actually figure it out. this  occurrence for instance. i never know that i really am interested in medicine bfore. i thought that i might just go with the flow and i do doubt what i am going to do next. its like for once, i do feel the need of why i am going to apply for mdicine. alhamdulillah. but yeah, life's not as smooth as it seen.

my  research project is not budging AT ALL. and i'm at my wits end. for now, i cant even see the light of hope but i must gather myself and wish for the better tmorrow. in syaa Allah. other subjects are okay for now and i hope they will always be. amin2 and i have to say, i am looking frward in doing some charity work this sem for jati diri class. i'd like to feel the frst-hand exprience of doing such thing. sy tahu sy jakun. maaf. its my frst time. what do u expect. hihi :)

p/s : great time spent today wth high school mate, kimah. appreciate each second and i hope to see the others as well. lets bear this for just another 4 months and off the hook bfore starting the horrendous degree years. hihi ;)

p.p/s : rmember the thing that i said bfore about changing to the better? alhamdulillah and i did with quite hesitation at frst. hehe. doakan sy terus kuat. in syaa Allah

perfect suavity

assalamualaikum. selawat dan salam atas baginda Rasulullah SAW. alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

hrmm. what did i miss? i guess a lot. fyi, i had my final exam startng from the frst of oct until 10th of oct. the papers that had to be taken were calculus, statistics, language and literary appreciation, physics, chemistry and biology. and i got home by 12th of oct and still am home. have my frst sem result in my hand and alhamdulillah even if it might be not enough for me to further in medic, nonetheless, i'm grateful with it. my sem break was disastrous. all days went by completely in vain except for days when i had my muet test and days that i think of as worthwhile since i could meet my best friends though the family were not complete. hihi. anyhow, it's good to be back :)

my break is going to meet its end very soon. sooner than i thought. i did nothing during these time. neither my bio fore-study nor the research thingy. what makes it worse is that the moment i'll be going back to ukm, i heard that we're going to take a test. an english test. a british council placement test to be precise. i'm doomed. and the fact that i have to read the bio notes for that there will be a diagnostic test carried on is not making me feel any better than this. as for my research, i dont even want to think about it. or else my head's going to explode. i want to start doing something but at times like this, i dont know where to start. once i make my kickstart then i think i'm good to go. to be honest, i dont know what am i blabbing about right now. i just feel like posting something since its been a while. well, i want to share some of works that i'd done in my language class. the poster and concrete poem. all these were for my carry marks. hihi.

SPM boarders out there, wishing you all the best. i might be of no help but i want you to think of the main purpose of why did you study all these while. is it all gets down to SPM? NO! so ikhlaskan hati untuk blajar. i know this sounds very cliche but u need to think of the real reason, the purpose of studying. as much as u hate ths fact, u need to accept that the learning process is never ending. face it and lapangkan dada mencari dan menerima ilmu. the more we learn, the more we dont know. kalau hati ikhlas mencari ilmu, insyaAllah x akan hadir rasa berat dlm hati kita mase belajar. my prayers are always with you. special dedication for my sister. please believe in yourself.

tracing up the past

assalamualaikum. selawat dan salam atas baginda Rasulullah SAW. alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

its been like ages since then. i have nothing left in my head. i mean, this, rght now and then, awkward. haha. whatever it is, there's way too many things apparently happen these past few weeks. literally too many that i dont know where to start and what to start. heh. honestly i barely cope with life these days so, its like impossible for me to do something like this blog thngy and thats how this blog ends up like this. hihi.

this is bfore raya break. we went to jalan tar to buy goods for raya even that weekend was like helly busy with calculus' assignment. i really wish to wipe out the thought of having those work. huuu.

later, we had jmuan buka puasa ngn ank yatim at prmatapintar. prof bg duit raye kt bebudak tu and there we were goofing around as if there're nothing. x snonoh.

week after, we had buka puasa with the prime minister. dpt duit raye yg agak byk and agak banyak goodies dpt. alhamdulillah. lain2 no komen.

and then RAYA!! thnks for those yg dtg raye kt umah.

last week i went to jati diri camp at pd with all other ap students. terrific with no flaw if not that my arm and legs felt like breaking, tearing apart. serius letih. tp best espcially naik rakit. alhamdulillah all of us are safe and sound in one piece.

and today, farewell friend. hmmpph sigh. hihi. wan asma wan abd aziz, i wish u all the best and insyaAllah akn mndoakan apa yg terbaik utk kita semua. smoga kita smua berada di bawah kredaan-Nya. syuk tkah kmah fizah asma pini esyah mira and fatin, i wnt u to know that u are among those pillars of strength that Allah gives to me. i'm grateful to have these people in my life. alhamdulillah i am surrounded by people who loves me for who i am. eh yeke? i assume laa. families with unconditional love even bickers do happen and ap friends whom i spend most of my time with. uhibbukum fillah abadan abada insyAllah.

post ini teramatlah panjang. sorry for the inconvenience but this is the summation of what happened during my absence. i'm happy to say that i'm happy even it's hard. well, in 2 or 3 weeks i suppose, i'm going to sit for final exam. wish me luck and i'll wish yours. biiznillah, we all are going to nail it. insyaAllah.

p/s: sy sedang menanam cita2 sekarang and i wish to change to the better. doakan yg terbaik utk sy. doakan hati sy makin kuat and apa yg sy rasa skrg x akn berkurang. amin.

salam ramadan

assalamualaikum and selawat dan salam atas baginda Rasulullah SAW. alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

actually i have nothing to say but since it's been a while since i post something, i guess i'll just try to squeeze something out of my thoughts. ermm well i'm kind of a keen observer and as it is, i observe people a lot. i try to come out with my own explanation about the oddities shown by others. not that kind of oddities, i mean the good one. the one when they react differently with certain people. and anyhow, i find quite a bunch of new things that i think are totally absurd but somehow, do happen. so, i guess i'll just continue my observation and maybe i would come out with some kind of research about human's action. haha who knows? what's more interesting is, most of what i predicted from what i see is true and i'm more attached to doing this kind of thing. 

ohh and i finished my reading of the book, love in a headscarf, for quite some times. that book is about the author who tries to find her spouse through arranged marriage, which i think i might agree of doing it. in my opinion, it's not impossible to do such thing and if we really went through it, do you think any bad guy would agree of doing something like that? i mean to agree of arranged marriage. i presume not so, i guess once they agree of it, that means, he is a devoted person. as a human and as a son. it's not that i'm saying if someone is not up to arranged marriage, he or she is not devoted enough or something like that. this is mere opinion about those who's interested in this. hehe and i end up bluffing about nothing again. pardon me. in any way, i like the way she interprets her thought about the 9/11 incident because i think so too. i watched a lot of television programmes about this incident and read quite some books about it and i found, everyone's thoughts are different. no offence but i don't take accout of what i've seen in tv or read in books because sometimes, they're utter lies. i once asked people's opinion about al-Qaeda and such, and they responded by saying that we are blinded, confused too much by external informations so, i'll just try to figure out by my own. the way they see this incident are all different. some might think that it's all about terrorism and one might think of it as jihad. as for me, as a muslim, i'm ashamed of it. that is of course, if this incident really was caused by the jihad-ers but somehow, i don't think that it is so, yeah. whatever it is, islam is all about peace. the definition of islam itself is related to peace so, what's more can be said. there are many ways that we can convey our dakwa and terrorism is definitely not an option. if, if this really happened because of muslims, still, i don't believe that this is the right way of doing it and i would say no to it.

p/s : selamat menempuhi 10 malam terakhir ramadan. may this year be better than before. insyaAllah.

counting days

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam atas baginda Rasulullah SAW . alhamdulillah ala kulli hal .

i'm in the middle of my mid term exam fyi laa . hihi . bapak susah kot . its really , i mean very very strenuous should i say ? sedih lg ahzan especially for my physics paper . seriously , arrggghh terrible like shooot . somehow , i can relate why i only have mere a for my physics sbjeck . horl . its really hard . well , in my opinion la but then when i ask smeone else , they find that physics are just fine so , i guess , its just me . heh . its a nightmare to think of how my marks would look like . for now , i'm trying hard to sooth my heart by thnking about going home . yeah , im going home ! hoho . excited . sgt . sgt . like finally , after more than a month , im going to see my family back , my home  and such such . haha .

about exam , yestrday i have 2 papers which were biology and statistics . bio was like , each minute ticked , i was like , gelabah tahap ntah pape  . its like crazy . i wrote with hands like parkinson smthing . dh la mrkh quiz bio rndah gle . i cant imagine what will my average score be . erkkk . as for statistics , the last one hour , my head ached like smthing swirl out my brain through my eyes . my head was spinning that i feel like fainted . i answered those questions in such pain that i barely remember the paper that i took . yg ni pn satu lg . mrkh quiz ngn test mcm ntah pape . sigh . insane much ? such unsanitary is unacceptable .

anyhow , 3 more days and i'm going home . yoohoo . tmorrow would be chemistry  then , research skill and finally logical reasoning and the next day i will be in bus , going back with syerah hfiz and frdaus ? i feel extremely giddy . and its ramadan soon . yeah ! insyaAllah everything would be jst fine . insyaAllah .

finally

assalamualaikum . 

these are few of my friends in ukm . ermmm . gmbr2 ne pn sbbnrnye ambk org pnye . hoho . notice smthing ? ad sorng muke mcm ana muslim and ad sorang muke mcm nurul amira shahira saiful bahari . haha . adios .

buckle up!

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam atas junjungan baginda Rasulullah SAW . alhamdulillah ala kulli hal .

hari ni , for the first time , i finally spend my night smwhere else instead of that room . tetiap mlm kt situ je trperap . hee . ermm tday , i went to my uncle's house . in fact , i still am . hehe . anyhow , pergghh sibuk nye these days . to be exact , everyday is a busy day . bile kje ne siap , kje lain msuk . and the flow goes on . i dont even know how to cnsider myself as being free from work . horl . ermmm jst now , my uncle askd about arabic sbjct . whether i have tht sbjct or not here . obviously no la kn . then he said , what a waste so i said , yeah , kind of . he said again , bkn sikit tp byk . i was like .... yeah . mmg rugi but nk buat cmane lg . x dk rzeki nk pgi jordan :(

ermm today is 7th july . happy brthday k. wa ! heehee . sbnarnye nk ckp psl exam . haha . ths 16th , im going to sit for my midterm exam . boohooo . satu ap pn x bace lg . actually thts not the point . mmg sblm ne ak x bace awl2 . haha . prngai x snonoh . the thing is , lps exam , ad cuti . wooohooo . haha . excited nk cuti exam x ag . papepn , cuti dh dekat . haha . next week ad test . test calculus chpter proving . jst remembering it makes my stomach tied . tjuk tu , x phm2 . ish2 . haha .ble la nk stdy . but then , ths chpter is not about how much  we study but its more about how much we understand . even kalau x stdy pn bleh score sbnrnye klu phm but again , i dont so its kind of helpless . insyaAllah i'll try my best to at least know smthing about it . wee . if God wills it . statstics pn ad test next week . i actually find stats as a light sbject . at frst laa but these few last chpter , fuuhh dsyat r . haha .

as for my research . hmmpphh . ap la ak nk buat . serious , i'm thnking hard in doing smthng about bone cancer . insyaAllah . tp sush kot . bkn sush skit tp bapak sush . hee . mntk dpermudahkn urusan . amin ya rabalalamin . for now , i hve smthng else to do wth ths sbjct . we hve assgnment to cnduct small research about stress . and there would be wnner . the group with the highest validity and reliability . and unexpectedly , there will be prizes . x tau la btol ke x but they say smthng about going to either NSU in singapore or smwhere i frgot the name in bangkok . heee . and the we're for once , seriously participating in research class . haha . obvious kot tetibe je jd brminat . we'll see . that princeton guy , selamat lg d sana . and ths 18th i thnk , kothai will be going to abu dhabi to attend a cnference smthng la . wsh them luck . hehe .

p/s : kje btimbun tp buat x . what a bum .

holding in there

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam ats baginda . syukur ala kulli hal .

frst and foremost , hmmmphh , let me heave a big sigh . hee . smpuuuttt la . smput dgn assgnment yg x ptus2 anddd smput dgn unending stairs . nk mkn pg kafe , trun tngga . bfore going down , blok 4 tngkat kne redah dlu . belum ap2 dh collapse . haha . anyhow , i'm still breathing and alive . alhamdulillah .

last weekend , i joined PpMO , which stands for permatapintar mathematic olimpiad . and as expected , i got .... nothing . weee . haha . the exam took about 3hours for 3questions . and i got no ruler , which was necessary to do the proving . no ruler , no mood . haha . thus , x buat la . i left it bare and i think i had good sleep for an hour . teruk kn . but its jst inevitable . its not that i dont know at all nk jwb soaln2 tu but then it needs a lot of thinking and i'm exhausted . my eyes wont open that i'm forced to sleep . its kind of unintentional that i sleep . but yeah , it went wth benefits of being empowered and reenergized . hihi . thniah utk mreka yg dpt hnorable mention , bronze , silver and gold .

one thing that i learned from ths PpMO , mathematics is not jst about counting . its not jst about arithmatics . its more . in fact , i jst know about it . jst realized that we are deceived so much that we are not aware of whats true and whts not . ermphh , we are jst too naive . being ignorance of the happenings that keep occuring . i'm terrified actually to know those truth about wht mathematics really is . its actually an odyssey in finding God . and how we dont know about it . insane , huh ? for instance , albert einstein . korang tau x that he's converted to Islam after dscovering smthing about line . there are no strraight lines in life actually . korang boleh bayang x mcm mne ? straight line x wujud . msti rase mcm ak ne melalut kn but then theres smthng about the speaker that cnvince me , he's telling the truth . and going back to einstein , he dscovered that and found the evidence in Quran . and somehow , thts why its not acceptable . try surf mklumat psl einstein and u'll know that he's dead in 1955 but his history are not told ten yers bfore . meaning that his hstory of life is deleted since 1945 . the truth are hidden . bummer kn ? time tu rse mcm ignorant sgt . jahil sgt . sume nk ambik dr phak laen . kn ? wht do u think ? no offence but i'm jst trying to express wht i thnk about wht i jst happen to find out . hee .

p/s : korang tahu x perdana menteri tu penggunaan yg salah . yg betul , menteri perdana . heeee .

tangled

assalamualaikum w.b.t. selawat dan salam atas Rasulullah . alhamdulillah ala kulli hal .

erm2 tday i got my frst assgnment . chemistry . and the nghtmare begins . haha . exaggerating much ? no la . actually , i had 2 classes which are chemstry and biology . sadly ++ pathetically ,  i didnt revise the topics tht're  going to be covered tday beforehand so i'm left confused . in both classes , unfortunately . esp in chemistry class , i was seriously in me dead end . its terrifying snce i could see that i'm the only one who seems to be cnfused and didnt undrstand . then the misery cntnued in bio class . i felt extremely guilty towards madam sham snce she's kind of expcting all of us to do our own pre-revision and apprently , i didnt . once again i became a burden to my peers and lcturer . yela kn . dh ak x phm sorang je so the learning process were knd of dstracted . and i cntributed to that . hee . i feel very sorry to miss suganty and madam sham and the whole class . huu . but anyhow , i'd like to say my gratitude to my lecturers and ai ngn wan yg sudi ajar sy . lps ne , i'm going push myself to the limit and do my own pre-revision . insyaAllah .

after class , my brain were all scattered . i couldnt digest a thing . otak x saturated pn tp berketul2 smpai brain x bleh interpret . mmg pening gle . after zohor , initially , we were going to have tutorial but somehow , all classes were dismissed so , at 2pm , blik kolej . at 3pm , igt nk prgi library tun sri lanang nk cri material buat assgnment  ngn nora dayang and qas but then , what a day . we waited for the bus from 3 to 4++ pm . thats more than an hour . what a waste of time . eventually , we dcided to jst call it off . msk je bilik balik . mmg rase sgt2 rugi mase yg kteorg tnggu bas tu . in an hour , mcm2 bleh buat tau . dah la la bkn hari2 blik awal . biasenye pkul 6 bru balik so mmg rugi sgt . whts more ,  otak mmg serabut sgt mse tu . dgn bio and chem yg nk cover balik .ishh . bas tu memangggg cari pasal . snce kami puasa , mmg rse dhydrated and exhausted way beyond bearable . bilik plk kt tingkat 4 . sedih kan . what a day . still , blessings in dsguise . we never know whts in store for us so , never give up in hope and Him . amin ya rabbal alamin .

 tune to study mode . weee . insyaAllah .

fallen to places

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam atas Rasulullah dan alhamdulillah atas segalanya .

actually i have nothing to say but since i'm on it , i guess i have to at least make an effort in it . bkn selalu ade mse nk buat mnde2 ne .hee . erm how am i about to put ths ? ermm kuliah dh start since mnday and alhamdulillah as far as it goes , no problem , yet . its quite a burden as we have a lot to cover but then its fun to learn . fun , eh ? fkir2 lah sndri . in my point of view , yes but seeing those hardworking peers , i thought of how i really have to do my best which i'm not accustomed to . hehe . ntah la camane . might as well become one of them . haha . miracle do happen , rght ? erm , here , i have 8 sbjects tht have to be taken . fiz , kim , bio , statistics , research skill , logical reasoning , apresiasi bhasa and jati diri kebangsaan . some of them are sbjcts for those frst dgree students . haaa , tula sbb namenye asasipintar . blajor pn fast paced la sket . ak ne , yg x brape nk pntar trcungap nk catch up . hee . erm so , credit hour could be transfered laaa . jd , kalu msk ijazah nnti might boleh shortened the time span utk dpt dgree . but before all , pointer utk frst sem tht we have to get is 3.0 and above whch is quite high . kalu x , kne tendang . ermmm ap nk buat . as for scond sem , kalu x cpai trget , kne repeat sem . so the risks are there . same mcm asasi laen .

i told bfore about going to princeton and apprently , ths aflah named-guy dpt . cngrats and good luck . sbnrnye x knal pn dye . i know who he is but not a friend of mine . i mean , i dont know who i can cnsider as my friend .   hehe . pape pn thniah . nk ckp dpn2 kn mcm buang tbiat plk snce i've never talking to him . wee .

mara results are out . and sadly enough , i'm not qualified . at frst , i cant deny my frustration . that lasted for about 5 minutes and how i realized , how lucky i am . i dont have to thnk more and make dcsion on whch both have their own pro and cons . i could jst live on my life and strive wth what i have now . alhamdulillah ap yg x baek tu ad bnde yg terbaik utk diri kite . ermm buat kwn2 di asasi pintar yg dpt mara , tahniah sgt2 . u guys deserved to be there . so do those tok jiring peers . tahniah spe2 yg dpt :)

p/s : rindunye kt fmily . ble dgr  hasif nangis dlm phone bru ne , mcm nk nangis je . hee .

the very first day

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam atas baginda Rasulullah . alhamdulillah ats segala nikmat .

ermm i dont know how to start ths but yeah , as all of you might know , i went to ukm strting from wdnesday . the frst thng we did , dftar and then checkin blik . i got the whole one room for myself which is not smthing tht i adore (tp lps tu ad roomate) . dh la x bape nk cntik bilik tu . wee . hehe . zip2 mulut . erm and then they callled us back to give some kind of briefing . they talked about the PERMATApintar programme  and such such ; how those kids could go to america at such age of 16 or 17 and how kids of primary school could do smthng extraordinary and how kids of 3 year-old could solve prblems of standard 6 . crazy , eh ? and  they kind of expect us to do as much . i thnk tht i'm not at tht par yet . i mean i might be good in a small group of community but being a genius , erk , i dont thnk so . jst being in these kind of group , asasipintar ne la , i chickened out . serious x tipu .  sorang2 mcm pergh , komunikasi mmg pergh r . cnfidence mmg , ak jd tukang respek je . dh la plk i'm the kind of talk-less around people tht i dont know . i mentioned ths bfore but ths time , i emphasize , i'm not as talkative when i dont have friend around . and i have to admit ths even when i hate ths , my confidence really loose when i'm not in my people . uhuk . malu je bile bace sndri mnde ne . haha . 

erm anyhow , ths prgramme is created to really polish us in becoming human beings . the shiny-polished-mirror-like one . hee . there are like lots and loads of acctivities to join . i mean the very frst day , they asked us to write an essay about going to princeton in u.s. , which if selected , will be going there at 22nd or 23rd or smthng of june la to join the summer camp there for 3 weeks . one student will be selected among the asasipintar students an another one from the permatapintar la . and then tmorrow we have to sbmit the mathematics olimpiad prticipation form . ntah isi ke x and ntah dpt ke x . haha . org kt sini genius kot . ak ne kelip2 , sengih2 je tgk org . bijak pandai pn x msk lg , nk jd genius . wee . haha . but yeah , i'm putting my trust , fully on ukm  , to hone my skills , my self-esteem , self-cnfidence and all those kind of stuff .haha .

asasipintar is smthng that i would recommend . its an excellent programme but in my point of view , we have to struggle . wickedly hard since its basically back to the basic , taking from scratch and innovate it to smthng thats worth to treasure . we dont have a fixed syllabus and such . mostly , its all about research . we're going to be paired with mentors and lecturers according to our likes and do some kind of research together . presentation is a must so as you can guess , communication skill is fundamental .

adios amigos .

p/s : skng dh pkul 2pagi . esok kalu smpat smbung la cite psl mnde ne .hehe . gedik melampau .

bila hati ckp dah lewat , tangan buat derk

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam atas baginda . alhamdulillah .

bfore anythng , alhamdulillah , i dpt jgk brsary tu . after all those thousand calls and such , dpt jgk . kalu akak operator tu tau la sape yg call , agk2 x bh angkt dh kot . bosan tgk org same . hee . i calld bsary last week and they said tht ukm is on the list now . its kind of late at tht moment bcause actually i'm spposed to cmfirm my acceptance by 13th but i cnfirmd it on 15th so , its rather late la snce i knew about it later . and i called them again and again to know about my status la kn . whether my answer was accpted or not . there goes the unending calls again . and gratefully said , i'm in . so for now , sigh of relief . kne tnggu surat2 yg akn smpai , kate nye . i jst need to pay for all the expenses frst and claim blk la . alhamdulillah sbb ok sme . i had doubt at the bginning and strted to cnsider in accepting the allowance by kpt . fkir psl mnd tu smpai x wk ap pn psediaan nk msk u . hehe

talking about that , i'm going there tmrrow . how time flies , rght ? preparation nk msk u , sme buat hri ne . gile kn . thnks to kmah for helping me doing the shop . and tkah yg tjumpa kt sane accdentally . tnight , packing2 brg sme and last2 byk gile brg bwk . initial plan , sikit je nk bwk brg . then tnye org ne , tnye org tu , last2 ngn ak2 pn bwk byk . haha . mmg byk gile r beg . tnye org laen nseb baek mcm lbeh krg je . hee . ermm last sturday , syuk buat mkn2 so ad jmpe sme kwn2 la except for fni ngn aisyh . ap korang buat erk smpai x dtg . wee . i'm very glad to see them bfore going . extremely hppy bcause if i thnk about it , when else we'll be seeing each other like tht kn . then , the next day went to pkwan ngn tcer and few others . so pape pn puas hti sbb bleh jmpe . haha . crdits for tcer sbb tumpang tcer je bbrape hri ne .

so guys , i want to apologize for evrythng tht i've done bfore tht mght hurt u . for all those verbal fights espcially wth my families . those unheard voice , un-realized bitter feelings , friends , i'm very sorry . wish me the best and insyaAllah i'll wish yours . feel free to keep in touch . hehe .

dingdong

assalamualaikum wbt . selawat dan salam atas baginda Rasulullah .

lama suda tarak bukak ini page . hee . erm sprisingly busy ths days . i'm so stressed thnking on how my future plan would be . seriously overwhelming . i keep thinking on how i'm going to srvive . fyi , i have mara intrview ths strday . and upu dah tau kt mane . i got asasipintar , ukm . actually , i'm kind of reluctant bcause of few thngs la . too much thngs i have to consider at frst but for now alhamdulillah dah ok . insyaAllah ths 23rd , i would be there . ermm , my aunt ckp , ukm ne duk kat cerok hutan . nk g jln pn g kt sate kajang je . nk msk bndar , bas , trnsport , mmg hampeh . erm dlm hati , biar betol mk ck ak ne . heh . all in all , alhamdulillah . evrythng has its own pro and cons kn so , choose well and leave the rest to Allah .

i got bursary actually but snce ukm is not on the list of institutions that it gives so , i guess , goodbye . kind of upset snce i have the rght utk dpt kn . plk tu , sy dtempatkn kt ukm oleh phak kpt kn so , i got ths x bes feeling  . hehe . mcm x bsyukur je bnyinye . nauzubillah . if God wills it , evrthing would be jst fine . blessing in dsguise , rght ? another cncern , apparently , as far as i know , x dk sape pn tht i know pg kt ukm tu . huuu sdeh gk r . sebek sorang . join abg sebek . haha . the truth is , i'm talk-less when i'm wth smeone tht i dnt know. nk cri btol2 kwn plk bkn cncai2 . i mean if there's smone frm my school who will be there too , atleast bleh jd the eyes and ears kn . tp ble fkir2 , mase ne la nk test jati diri kn . mntak2 semuanya ok dan dpermudahkan . insyaAllah . i checkd mklumat psl kmasukn ke ukm tu . yuran pndftran gile mhal kot . 1K++ jgk la . i mean , syuk ckp klu usim 600++je . dh la nk tgk jgk mara cmane kn . klu dpt mara , kalau la kn , kalau , and terima offer tu , mcm burn je duit kn . ne kalau je . belum tentu dapat dan belum tentu terima .

gd luck guys on your ongoing lives and for those yg kne intrview mara . ganbatte kudasai .

pengikut tegar . hihi

assalamualaikum . salam dan selawat atas rasulullah .
i'd like to share my MARA essay . hihi . gedik melampau .

 Born to be a doctor . I can see that in me and I strongly believe  I am one of them . My name is Tengku Mardhiah Binti Tengku Nazmi , first daughter of Tengku Nazmi Bin Tengku Sulaiman and Nor Akma Binti Mohd Amin . Born in 9th July 1994 . I have 5 other siblings and one of them is a new born . Both my parents are working , my father is a radiographer whereas my mother is a teacher .

  Back then , I received my early education at Sekolah Kebangsaan Tok Jiring and thank God , i got 5As in UPSR . I was actively participating in martial art of Taekwondo at that time that i managed to represent the state of Terengganu . I was nurtured with determination and sense of responsibility all the way through . In 2007 , I continued my study at Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Agama Tok Jiring from form 1 to form 5 . With the support of all the people around me , I got 9As in PMR which then led me to the science stream class . I found this special vibe when learning Biology and this triggered my instinct of becoming a doctor . I tried my very best in balancing my studies and my co-curricular activities . Debate parliamentary style was one of the co-academic activities that I joined and happily said , I learned a lot of things despite missing class . I discovered my inner qualities that I never had the chance to find before . Gratefully said , my self-confidence and self-esteem increased and I improved my general knowledge as much . My position as the vice-president of Ping Pong club and secretary of Girls Scout in my school definitely hone my leadership skill besides many other good quality to be possessed .

  I got 10As 1B (9A+ 1A 1B+) in SPM and that moment I knew that the chance for me to further my study in medicine is bright . I realized  that this was it ! I could still fight for my dream of becoming a doctor . It would be a great pleasure to receive scholarship from MARA to further my study . I plan to study in Ireland as that country is famous for the born of great doctors . In fact , I have an aunt who studied there before and is now has her own clinic . I am inspired mostly by her and not to mention , my father . I want to be specialised in orthopedics because of him since his work involves in that branch . More than that , i enjoy studying about human anatomy . Other than that , I also have the desire to further my study in Jordan . Besides studying medicine , I can also  improve my Arabic language knowledge since I got B for that subject . The main reason of why I’d like to further my study abroad is because I want to get more experience of being out of place at first and adapting myself in it .

  When I get my degree , I will begin with working with the Ministry of Health . When things are going the way it should be , I’d like to further my study to get my Master and then Phd , specializing in orthopedics . My ultimate goal is to help people to live their lives in the healthiest way . I hope that I can be a doctor that grows . Learn new things as each day pass by . Perhaps going to be a lecturer so that I could give  back what  I was given . Instead of growing alone , it would be nice to help other people grow .

p/s : esei ini dbuat in 2 hours thnks to syuk kimah and fizah for the indirect guideline . thnks alot . kalu deadline lmbat lg sumpah x siap lg esei ne . haha

and the steep gets deeper

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam atas junjungan baginda .

every rose has its thorn
jst like every night has its dawn
jst like every cowboy sing his sad sad song
every rose has its thorn

i hear ths song these days and realize how close it is in my heart . and i cant help but to thnk of how well it rflects lives . ermm i'm jst saying tht everyone's not perfect and never would be so we have to learn how to give and take . hehe .

sabar . a word tht is easy to pronounce but hard to comprehend . you never know the level of patience tht you have until you face wht you cannot handle . and yeah , you never know wht you cnt handle bcause you lose yourself first by then . thts when you act bfore thnking and thus regreting it later . so , sabar sblum buat ap2 . i'm nt the most patient prson out there and i have to tell tht i'm strggling hard in becoming one whch obviously not . hehe . if smthng rage you up , take few deep breath bfore throwing out your opinion . i thnk tht helps alot . ngehehe . i read ths smwhere in book and it says , sabar dalam mencari kelebihan diri . i read ths exactly when i had hard time and wthout doubt , i found solace in it . alhamdulillah , Allah gives His guidance to me at tht time and tenacity is wht i found .

you could grief when rose has thorn or you could rejoice when thorn has rose so , always see the glass half full . whch then leads to a happy life :)

shriveled up

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam ke atas baginda rasulullah .

obviously , its about spm result . alhamdulillah , thnk Allah for all . yestrday , lst nght actually , i had ths weird dream . dreaming in a dream . sure korang prnh pnye . hehe . i dreamnt for about 5 dffrent dreams . bizzare eh . for each dreams , dffrent people got strgt a's . haha . none of them was me . rase mcm dejavu plk . haha . bcause yes , apparently i'm not .

when i got to school , there's ths small crmony going on . and they told tht theres 24 strgt a's . phew , i'm glad actually bcause id hear rumors going all around saying no strgt a+ . snce lst year our school had 4 strght a+ stdents , no doubt ths year the expectation would be hgher . and since we cant beat tht i guess it's cool that we outnumbered the strgt a students . hoho . then in mddle of the speech , my mom dragged me out of hall and wth ths cncern look on her face , she told me tht i'm not one of the 24 stdents . i'm shockd but i cant frget the look tht she had on her face . i felt bad actually bcause i was not as sad as she expcted me to be . heh . i had giggle in my heart . seriously . yeah i'm cool hearing that but its inevitable that i felt sad . in fact , extremely devastated but then , life must go on . its jst not good if i cry when my friend cried on my shoulder . that would look bad . isnt it ?

so thniah buat 24 pelajar yg mndpat smua a . for the boys , u rock . haha . i salute asship , no kidding . and the girls too . korang mmg terbaik la . syuk tkah fzah , i expected u tht much so , not sprised actually . haha . qilah and salma and farhah , debate buddy , cngratulations . table buddy , haha , engku and pkah , u too . kmah asma mira fini fatin aisyh , u guys too . i'm sooo hppy that all of us got no less than 8a's . all my classmates and schoolmates , u're the best . trima ksih krna mmbuatkan cg kita trsnyum .

i got 9a+ , 1a physics and 1b+ for arabic . i'm kind of not expecting tht since i found tht that test was the best answer that i could give . i mean in arabic test . thats the best sbb sblum ne mmg rse perit jwb ba . ths one was not as bad as bfore but yeah , myb thts not good enough . all in all , alhamdulillah . no regrets . i jst feel bad for the teachers and ummi and abah . they count on me and i feel like i let evrybody down . sorry and sorry espcially to ustz khairul . myb i'm nt that good student of yours but i'm glad to have all of you as my teachers . thank you sooo much . ummi ngn abah , maaf sbb x boleh naik pntas sama2 . hihi . i know you guys are proud of me so i'm learning to do so too . ummi abah tnggu angh alah abang nisa ngn hasif la nk naik pntas plk . hoho .

i'm hppy for evryone ! your hppiness makes me happy too .

sucking things around

assalamualaikum . selawat dan salam ke atas nabi muhammad saw . may all of us be blessed .

i've been busy these days helping my aunt pcking those small thngy for my cousins wedding . andd , last friday we went to jerantut for the wedding . and went back the next day . buttt , my sster and i went to kl wth my aunt . kunun2 nk beli cklat utk ltk dlm goody bag tu sbb tkot x ckup . konon laa . smpai sane around 5++pm . tht nght pegi tgk movie . cite the lorax . yg sadisnye , i went there wearing tracksuit . pulok tu paka lipa jepung . sadis2 . despite tht , tht movie is so cute . the cartoon is nicely done and conveys vivid lessons . the next morning , we went for breakfast kt sunway . tgh layan spgeti tu , perut buat hal pulakk . sah2 tndas kt sane tndas yg style air pancut tu soo , fham2 laa . buat derk jela . then , pegi silau2 org ice skate . the initial plan was to go ice skating but then , we had full meal jst bfore and seeing those bunch of people , x pe jela . bsides , kteorg sme bkn nye pndai . haha . last2 , tgk org je , mark org and eventually talked on how they skate . mcm stalk jgk la . lps tu , we went to the chocolate fctory, beryl's chocolate wonderland but in no vain bcause it's closed . then off we went to beryl's chocolate kingdom . survey2 tgk hrge mhal gile cmpare dgn beli kt kilang . x beli ap2 pn . another chocolate outlet there and as we went checkng it out , the price are jst about the same as bfore so , the main purpose of going to kl is up to nthing . sbb asal2 kn nk beli cklat . hoho . around 5pm , we went back to trg and sampai midnight .

on monday , which was today , i had test for my driving lisence . gile kot . jumaat ngn sbtu ad kt jerantut . sbtu ngn ahad ad kt kl . isnin ad kt trg . Alhamdulilah , lulus test . semuanya dgn izin Allah sbb as long as i can see , it was merely pure solid luck . and big thnks to those big hearted jpjs and teachers .

these few days , i noticed tht
1 . i have severe motion sickness
2 . i have inferiority and self-esteem that hit bottom ground ( still working on this one )
p/s : result dh dekat sgt dh . wishing all spm boarders the best of luck and nice sleep . pesanan utk dri sndri jgk . toing2

seems too far

hasif with tot'tot

hasif went nude . haha

he's jst irresistably cute

assalamualaikum . been quite a while snce my last post . hehe . anyhow , how's thngs going ?

ysterday , i went to a dntist snce my front teeth were in a bad shape . angah also needed to patch her teeth jst like me . frankly speaking , da lame bebeno ak x pegi jmpe dntist . last skali pn mse tadika . if not for annual checkup at school , i dont think i would go prsonally to meet any dntist . i'm kind of traumatize in a way . frst time i went to dntist was when my abah took me by force , pegi klinik tepi hspital . nk cabut 2 batang gigi depan . time tu kecik lg . mmg seramm r . lps tu plk kne kutuk de pk cik2 yg EEEVILLL , ckp gigi x cukup . lg r bengang . 2nd one was ermm i have blur vision about that tp igt lg pipi rse kebas . i still dont know what did they shot me with but one thng for sure , they shot me wth smthing that i cried and me cheeks went numb like senseless . time tu abah plk ckp , dktor tu punye jarum , msuk dr dlm mlut tembus kt pipi . time tu dh la naive , innocent plk tuu . caye habess r .

masuk2 je blik tu , dntist tu tegur . alaa borak2 la sket . she's a friend of my mom .tnye this and that . hows thngs going and stuff . pstu tnye kt mne nk smbung study . luar ke local kn , i was like , mne2 pn boleh . dye pn ckp , time ne la nk g oversea , lps kje nnti same ad x ckup duit atau x dk mse nk g . aaa , lebih kurang mcm tu laa dye ckp . fkir2 blik , instinct nk pegi australia tp ad ke offer medic kt sane . hoho . i guess , i'll jst go with the flow . then , dktor tu pn ambk mnde alah ne , tebuk ek , lebih kurang cmtu la , tebuk gigi dpn tu . sbb gigi i blubang kt dlm je . x nmpk dr luar . sakit woo . sengal x igt . msti dktor tu ngn assistant dye gelak dlm hati je looking at the expression drawn on my face . rasenye lahh . hehe . when she put down mnde alah tu , instantanuously , i heaved a big sigh of relieve . legaaa . then she patched the hole . yg tu x saket pn . lps siap tampal , igtkn finished for good la kn . ambik plk mnde alah tuuu . dlm hati rse mcm nk lari je . sakit doe . i know i really sound like a big fat coward but thnking back , ths is my frst experience . haha . malu sndiri bile fkir . nk buat cmane lg , dh mmg x bleh nk tipu2 x takut .

when i see how my peers are thnking hard on what they're going to do after ths , i kind of do my own . actually , i have a big interest in geography . thts why when utp opened up their offer , i was interested in taking geology . err i think thts what they call it . x igt mne . then , i told my mom . she sounded reluctant but she tried very hard not to make it obvious . she said that the choice was mine but it didnt sound promising . huhu . she said that it would be a waste since i'm a pure science student . she made it sound as soft as possible but its still noticable .

and since i have interest in medic , i thnk i'll be fine doing it . i heard thngs they say about how hard studying tht would be . then , my father talked wth my aunt about how the need of doctors is still on demand but acquiring it is very hard . i cant help to have this negative idea in my head . heh . then , i met my aunt and she askd me about my plan in future . time tu , i still have my doubts so i jst oooohhh , yeeelaaa , ermmm pstu senyum2 . hihi . then she said ' along ! gne2 pn along kne ambk medic . biar r abah ngn umi kate jgn ambik pn . ambk medic gk gne2 pn . tolong bonda lps ne .' toing2 , another reason to choose medic . now , i'm definite wth medic . and the rest is in His will . i'll jst pray for the best for all of us .

p/s : org laen bkrja , i pn krja . dr pkul 7-9++am jd babysitter . 9-11 jd surirumah x brtauliah . 11++ jd officeboy , tolong mk cik kemas ofis baru beliau . heh . x tau laa ble nk siap . rsenye da 3hari x bukak ofis .

missing puzzles

assalamualaikum
theme of the day ,'thinking back' . hehe . as i've been cnstantly off , i had no chance of story-mory-ing about my cats . my used to be cats . names are titambu whch the idea came from its color which are putih hitam kelabu and the other one is kokotam whch obviously its color is koko and hitam . so much for creativity eh? they both have cute bushy tails whch made my mom very thrilled to have them after death of several cats . huhu . sriously , we thought tht we're never going to have a pet after that .

titambu and kokotam both came from pk ck saiko tht lives next door . the scond day home , my sster whom extremely allergic to cats kickd titambu and rght then , nowhere to be seen . kokotam stayd but once , its cage borrowd by my aunt and i guess he thought tht we forgt about him . haha . lost and not found yet . sedih2 . both are still nowhere to be found . huu .

more pctures of baby hasif . hehe . elia , these are for u :)